"Moofin threw a blood clot that paralyzed his back legs last night. I came home after work and he was great- took his medication and drank his fave goat milk. As I was eating my dinner I noticed he was moving in an odd manner, so I jumped up to see what had happened.
He wasn't moving his back legs and seemed drained of energy. He just wanted to lay on his side and close his eyes.
We wrapped him in a soft blanket and took him to the ER. I had read countless times on how painful clots can be- pure agony. So a part of me thought maybe it wasn't a clot and this could somehow be resolved, as he didn't appear to be in pain.
We had a dr who had trained under Dr muers at Washington state, so had a decent amount of experience with HCM. I was thankful for this. She said with how his heart looked, and how dead his back legs were, we should consider euthanasia.
I knew while I was carrying him up to the ER, that this is what I was coming to do- as much as my heart screamed no, this wasn't about me. It was about Moof. Dr told me they could give him something for pain but could do nothing to dissolve the clot or reverse the damage the clot had caused, and if by some chance we could get his back legs working again his quality of life would suffer and another clot would be just around the corner.
They gave him something to relax him for the catheter. I held him close and repeated how much I love him and to please visit me from time to time so I know he is ok. The injection was given and he slowly stopped breathing.
I wish you all could have met him, so you would know how incredibly amazing this angel was/is. I am so thankful he didn't have pain- my biggest fear was for him to need me and me not be there. It made leaving the house at all, very difficult. Thank god he went in peace.
When I got home I tried to take a shower but just stood in there and cried. We have a torch light in the master bathroom which I usually dim because it is so bright. As I stood in the shower with my eyes closed, I kept seeing different light intensities through my eyelids. I opened my eyes and the torch light brightened, then dimmed, then brightened. It did this several more times before my shower ended.
This may not make sense to some and perhaps you will laugh, but I feel this was Moof letting me know he was ok and made it. This light has never dimmed or brightened by itself. He knows how much I needed to "hear" from him, and I am so grateful for this.
My best friend, I will love you until the day my heart stops beating, and I can not wait to be with you again on the other side. Thank you for all of these amazing years you have given me- all the smiles, the love, the laughs, purrs, cries, all of it. Till we meet again, my love ♥"
RIP gorgeous Moofin! ♥